What is your honey to you?

My blog's been silent after only three meager posts (Which I'm happy to know have garnered 180+ views). I apologize for that. I've just been really busy and also sick this past week. Don't you worry your pretty little heads, I'm alright. Just feeling under the weather with my hyperactive mucus glands. I'm not the healthiest person in the world, you know, so this is a common occurrence.

I just remembered a comment somebody made when I was also sick some time ago: “kaya ka parating nagkakasakit kasi walang nag-aalaga sa'yo (you always get sick because nobody's taking care of you)” to which I promptly replied “bakit, ano ako, pet? (why, am I a pet?).” Apparently, according to my more knowledgable friends, mine was not the normal response to an obvious hint. I was like “oh, so that was a line? How...lame...”

Unfortunately, I'm like a guy whe it comes to hints. Subtle hints won't work and obvious hints will just confuse me. But unlike guys who seem to think every woman who happens to look their way has a burning desire for them, I do not assume things. I did once which led to disastrous results...an event which I am not inclined to share (and only mentioned because I love torturing people by withholding information).

But my being insensitive is not really the point I want to drive at with this post. With that comment someone made, it just came over me that boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses have different functions for different people.

With my usually accurate observation and deducing skills (ehem) I have classified people into the following types of partners according to use (yeah,we are I am we are utilitarian that way). They can be one, or a combination of the following. So you, what do you see your honeybunch as?

1. Caregiver: (see paragraph 2 for reference) People, usually women, who like to play mommy/daddy to their other half. They make sure you've eaten properly, gone home safely, and will remind you to do your chores. They also have a hero complex. Best for spoiled brats and mama's boys.
2. Worshiper: Best for powertrippers. People who choose them for partners are usually insecure or just addicted to praise. The worshiper vicariously lives off their partner's glory. On the extreme end of the spectrum are those who are involved in sado-masochist relationships.
3. Status symbol: They are chosen as partners by people who want to be “in” or approved by the community they want to take part of. Emotional connection not necessary. Just the background, face value, or even race are important. Trophy wives/husbands/gf's/bf's fall in this category.
4. Basic necessity: for the pragmatics. I've heard of some people marrying for practical purposes (shared expenses, or  because they can't raise a kid on their own, etc) Sometimes also treated as ATMs, cooks, secretaries, etc.
5. Mirror: I don't know about you, but when I want to feel good, I look in the mirror and my spirits are immediately uplifted. LOL. Narcisism aside, this partner is best for people with ruminative tendencies. They want to feel good about themselves so they choose a mirror, a partner very much like them even down to the rotten traits they have. This is why you see alcoholics and crack addicts pair off among themselves.
6. Crack: Speaking of crack addicts, this kind of partner is for people with addictive inclinations. They are partners to those who can't get enough of the idea of love and having a lover... who isn't necessarily good for them.  Bella and Eduard fall in this category.
7. Teddy bear: For people craving intimacy. No, not just physical, someone who you can share your deepest darkest secrets and fears with,  with no reservations because you know they wont react negatively. But that's because they don't react at all, but then again, acceptance is never an issue.
8. Buddy: Wanna go to the mall? Call sweetheart. Wanna go enlarge your beer gut? SMS honey. These partners don't necessarily ignite your feiry passions but they're comfortable to be around with like that holey cotton shirt you prefer wearing to bed. No fuss, low maintenance but shares a very deep bond with you and cares very much about your well-being. Most of the time also a Fertilizer (See below). This buddy usually attracts another buddy.
9. Fertilizer: They are chosen for their abilities to push you to be your best.

You can deny all you want and say that you choose your partner solely for the sake of love...riiiiigghttt. As for myself I would like to believe I want a buddy and fertilizer for a partner. I don't feel incomplete without one but I think it will be great to have one. Because I'm not looking for someone who'll complete me. I'm whole and I'll just need someone to complement my completeness...echos!

Do we deserve being in a good relationship?

At one/some/most point(s) in your being single, the feeling of self- entitlement must have permeated your entire being making you almost want to blurt out "why her?  I'm waaaay better-looking than her" to that odd cute guy- average girl couple you meet at the MRT.  Or have made you evaluate yourself in comparison to that friend notoriously leading on guys then dumping them like they're last day's trash (disclaimer: this isn't exactly the story of my life. You are not THAT friend) thinking you deserve being in a relationship more than the likes of her.  But since you aren't in one, you think to yourself that surely, you're collecting good karma points bringing your partner-to-be closer and closer aaannd making him/her the most perfect bf/gf in the planet for you.  But are you?  Maybe you're setting yourself for a major, major disappointment?

Is it really bad to feel entitled to be in a good relationship because you are "better" in terms of looks, brains, background,  and personality than those people around you?  People tell me all the time that I should get a "prime catch" boyfriend because I have the most lethal combination:  excessive doses of good looks, THE brains, humor and "exciting" personality ---ok, ok...it does not hurt to advertise now, does it? lol. I kid.  But it gets all the more confusing because apparently there are a lot of people with "prime catches" in tow who are every bit the opposite of me (read: not-so-good-looking, not-so-smart, not-so-nice, oh-so-bland)- I kid you not. 

I've read this book by Bo Sanchez called "How to Find Your One True Love."  Ok you can laugh all you want but the point is, it's a good book and I'm inclined to believe whatever the books says...and it says that one problem the single and looking (forever) people is the high sense of self-entitlement.  That people don't really look proactively for partners because they think their future loved ones will be served up to them in a platter.    Just because they're them.

Despite me trying to keep my self- entitlement in check, I don't think I'll ever "settle" for the following people who I honestly think are undeserving of their happily-ever-afters: 

Undeserving #1:  The incurable cheaters: "Collect and collect then select"- that's their motto.  Sadly most of them get stuck in the collecting process, never quite learning how to select.  Perhaps they confused it with "the more the merrier."

Undeserving #2:  The clingers.  Sapping your powers to the Nth power.  Whereas a relationship should be a place where you grow together, you find that your partner isn't exactly a growing tree like you, but a clinging and suffocating vine.

Undeserving #3: The firm believer that all is fair in love...so much so that he/she'll steal a friend's "love."  This person does not understand the First Dibs rule.

Undeserving# 4: The spineless.  The person who is a mollusk.  Taking "I can't live without you" to a whole new level.

Undeserving# 5: The ME person.  "It's not you, It's ME. It's never you, it's always ME."

  

I still believe we all deserve the best relationship.  That's the sense of entitlement that I refuse to relinquish.  Maybe we just need to learn what really is "best" for us.  What we think we need and what we need might not be the same.  Me?  I pray to God for discernment.  I know I may not look it, but I try to be spiritual.  It's what makes me un-ampalaya (bitter gourd for the Englishers out there. holla!).  I know "darating din yan with God's grace" because "naghahanap ako," and not merely because "God knows I deserve it."

Twennie- ten

Another year is bidding its adieu and how else does it make me feel but nostalgic?  Flashbacks of what happened this past year keep popping up my mind lately, making me smile and snigger at the oddest times (think FX ride with complete strangers), and sometimes making me grit my teeth, choke up, or cringe and blush. 

Funny because after all the many, and boy, do I mean MANY, things that happened, I felt as though I floated through it all.  Like I was half-dreaming through the year and everything was hazy like the aftereffects of drinking too much Greygoose .  Maybe because there were just too many things that happened in such a short amount of time which left me no room to think and just react with my great, infallible instincts so I was not able to fully engage my brain.

There were firsts, second chances, endings, and beginnings this year.   There were good news, and there were bad news.  There were inspirations and heart-aches.  There were great ideas and there were stupid mistakes.

This year was very good to my career.  After being left at a hopeless crossroad, the Lord seemed to have lit up a path in neon lights (seriously, getting a call hours after deciding to give a career shift a try and clicking “send”? ).  This year I’ve rediscovered my passion for learning tickling the nerdox in me pink.   I’ve been given an opportunity to train abroad and learn so much.  And not only that, I’ve been given the opportunity to share the knowledge as well.

This year has also been very good to my social life.  I’ve reconnected with my old, fantabulous friends and made new, exciting ones.  This year, for the first time in my 26 and a half years, I’ve had fully booked LONG weekends, and a Monday night gimik which is just unheard of and too crazy for me before.  Yes, I am I used to be  I am pathetic-but-in-a-cute-way, right?

This year witnessed my family becoming more closely knit.  We were able to spend a lot of time together, more than in the past couple of years.  Imagine the joy of being able to spend Christmas together after so long.

2010 has been kinder to my health.  I think. Flomp flomp flomp.  Oh that was my body fat begging to disagree.

Well as for my lovelife, which I know you all (yes, all 3 of you) are itching to hear about, has unfortunately not been as blessed as the other aspects of my life, but I couldn’t have wished for more (in truth,yes, I could).  It’s not every year that I get a guy’s number without so much as lifting a finger (I didn’t call though. Too chicken). And this year has taught me a lot about the so-called “romance” and “dating” and “flirting” which I intend to put to good use in the fast- approaching new year.

I end this post with a note to 2011:  I promise you, I’ll make you my best year yet.  You shall be LEGEN…wait for it…DARY!

Greetings, earthlings!

Welcome to my blog!  Despite the name, you are not gonna read about a whiny, young(ish), wallflower complaining about how the world is full of jerks and scrubs.  Or maybe you are.  I have no friggin' idea. Mostly, it's experimental.  I just felt like my thoughts are important enough to be published.  Like my ideas are relevant to humanity and all that crap.  But if you are reading this, then maybe it is.  Or you're too much of a loser trying to feel good about yourself by reading how I struggle with loneliness.  I joke, I joke.   Basically, I'd like to see how long my singleship (whoa, I invented a word!) lasts while I enjoy my being unattached to the fullest. 

Yes, I am single since birth. I am 26 and a half (yes, i still use "and a half" like a pre-schooler) and never had anything close to a boyfriend.  I do not have an answer as to why I am still single, I dare you to figure out for yourself.   As far as I am concerned, I am a good-looking (ehem) intelligent woman (ehem-ehem) with a colorful personality to boot (EHEEERRRRMM). Not that I am bothered very much by my situation, mind you (operative phrase: very much).

Now why blog about it only now?  Well let's just say I used to think it will be a waste of time since I thought back then that I'll be attached "soon."  Several years passed and the only thing wasted is the time I spent not writing about it.  I wanted to write about it for self- inventory purposes, and letting people read about it will be to let them  pitch their two cents about it.  If anything, I've learned everyone wants to have a say on the subject.  I just want people to see what being single really means; dispel the common notions of desperation and loneliness while painting a realistic picture of being partnerless.  

Anyway, hope you'll have fun reading my posts.