Flirting Tips Assessment: What works, will work, won't work. Vol I

Believe it or not, dates don't come easy for me (I know, unbelievable) The real dates I've been to can be counted by the fingers on one hand, and that includes prom. But even though I'm shy (I AM shy. Hello?) I have a proactive streak. So lately, I told myself to start taking dating matters into my own hands. How? By tackling the obvious problem of my dismal-at-best flirting skills. So I gather tips from here and there and try to practice them to see if they work/will work / will not work for me.

Almost unanimously, they tell me it's all about making eye contact. So apparently, all you have to do is try to catch the eye of a “papable” guy several times and hold the gaze for more or less five seconds, and then pronto! He approaches and you chat, then exchange numbers or email addresses. Sounds very easy. In fact, I can't figure out, for the life of me, why I haven't been doing something as natural as that. And according to the research I did on the subject, it is natural for people to gaze at the person they are attracted to, there's some sort of a universal acknowledgement of attraction. That is so strange, I never really thought of it that way. It's embarassing, I'm supposed to be somewhat an expert in non-verbal language.

So now that I am aware of those facts, it should be a piece of cake, as easy as a pie, as crumbly as a cookie (huh?), right? Right? So I went and experimented with it.

Almost right away, I recognized one big problem, I am myopic. It's easy for me to miss people when I'm walking. I once did not recognize my own father walking towards me on the street. So it's difficult for me to identify a cute guy from across the room. I might soon be making eye contact with the likes of Rene Requiestas without me realizing it.

Another thing, I am incredibly shy (I tell you, I really am). Once I realize someone looking my way, I turn away. Sometimes with a scowl. I dunno why I frown, but it's automatic. Maybe I find it very intrusive when strangers look at me in the eye. Or maybe I'm just so embarassed at being caught staring. Then I blush profusely announcing to the world how much of a dork I am.

Also, I don't have “sweet-looking eyes,” mine's the peircing intense kind. Added to the fact that I am shortsighted, I squint a lot making me look more "matapang."  So a coquettish stare I give might look “ano, square tayo?” to others. Nothing more off-putting than a girl maton, is there?

But then I don't give up that easily. I chose a “target” that's just a few meters away, forced myself to hold eye-contact for five seconds (yes, I was counting in my head, too) and remind myself not to frown, and keep my eyes “soft” as if smiling. It was one of the most uncomfortable moments in my life, but lo and behold, he smiled a bit. And then... the smile became smug as he audaciously tried to catch my eye some more. And I turned away not with a frown this time, but with one eyebrow making it's way up to my hairline.  I tried it several times more on other occasions, some without effect, and most with the same result as the above.

So my verdict? It will work with much more practice...but I don't think I'll try it again. It's too unnatural.  And most probably, those who will respond are the jerk types...or maybe I just suck at choosing targets (gee, i sound like a predator. lol).  Whatever it is, this tip isn't for me.

I'm single, yes, but don't assume why

It's funny how people tend to assume a lot of things whenever they hear a person in his/her mid- twenties still single and never been attached. Here are some assumptions on why people are single that I wish to discuss and debunk.

You have shortcomings in the physical aspect:

I remember when I tried to engage the help of my friends to look for a date for me, many of the reponses of their so-called prospects go like “baka naman pangit yan ha(maybe she's ugly).” People tend to assume there is something wrong with how you look (or worse, smell) that's why you're having trouble getting a date. In their minds, a person blessed with gorgeousness as mine would never have problems getting a significant other right?  So definitely, there's something off with your face.  Excuuuussse me. 'Nuff said.

You are gay:

People think that if you're not ugly, then your being single should have something to do with your sexual preferences. I have nothing against gays or lesbos, but I never liked being assumed to be one. 1. It hurts my chances of finding a partner more as these kinds of intriga sometimes catches on, 2. It implies that I somehow am trying to trick people into believing I am what I am not, ie: stay in the closet and have a gay beard to cover it up more.  I am not that cowardly.  To finally settle the discussion, I am not gay. Although admittedly, my appreciation of the female beauty may have contributed to this assumption.  I'm pretty sure, this goes true with some singles out there.

You have high standards:

People who hear about my being single almost automatically assume it's because I have a high standards that have to be met. Funnily enough, they assume I want an intellectual badass for a partner. Errr...not necessarily. I just want someone who I can have a conversation with about anything and everything under the sun. Besides, I don't need an intelligent man to be my husband. Intelligence is usually inherited from the mother, and I have that  already covered ...ehem. Yes, I do have preferences like any other girl but only a few of them are non-bendable. My non-negotiables are the following: street-smart, kind-hearted, loving, respectful, God-loving, responsible, and has dreams. Of course, I should find him somewhat attactive and presentable, too. So tell, me, are these too much to ask?

You are not really looking:

I admit, I have once been absorbed with school work and later with my job. I am a recovered workaholic. I used to never have time for gong out, not even with family and friends. So maybe this assumption holds true before. But now, I even send out feelers to my friends, offering a dinner reward for a successful date referral, no kidding. And if you're reading this, you're welcome to join the referral program, too. Ask me for details. Hehe.

You are not willing to love and take risks:

Many singles have loved and have faced rejection.  So have I.  So I find it very unfair when people assume this.

Ever read an article about what things not to say to a single friend?  If you haven't, try reading.  If you have, then please do take heed and be more understanding. You'll of much more help if you try to widen your single friend's not- big- enough network. More often than not, and definitely true in my case, that's the the biggest problem keeping them single and unattached.